Need a break from your reality?

October the 20th

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 02:41:43 GMT

Is there anything more sad than eating out by yourself? And why do the hostesses and waiters always make it worse. I think three people asked me I f it was just me dining this evening. Yes, assholes, that is why I'm sitting alone. Please oh please rub it in.

I did eat a beast of a meal though and that always makes me smile. I want to die with a fork in my mouth, that's the only way my life will feel fulfilled at the end.

I'm not writing anymore for my brain is diluted from eating myself into delirium. Bye.

A Reflection of Truth

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 02:05:57 GMT

I was not even aware that I had fallen asleep until I found myself standing in the middle of a desert. Everything was the same pallid color, yet I could still make out the distinct shape of every object surrounding me. I thought this odd, being a person who loves bright colors - blues and yellows especially - but quickly reasoned that deserts were probably pretty bland. I did find it rather sad that these colors had vanished from my mind though, leaving everything so nondescript and blank. All of a sudden, a bright flash disrupted this vacant tranquility and color exploded all around me.

The flash was so brilliant I shielded my eyes so that they wouldn't be harmed. When I uncovered my eyes, it appeared that I was standing in front of a full-length mirror. I reached out my hand to touch it, and to my surprise, the mirror image of myself grabbed my hand and pushed it away. I tried once more to touch the mirror but this time it slapped my hand away which caused me to jump back a few feet. So I stood there, face to face with none other than myself. I looked myself up and down and saw my small expressionless face. It's concerned eyes, disproportionate nose, and flat lips. I saw my plain, regular body with hips a little too large for my liking.

"I'm really not that pretty," I thought out loud to myself, but as soon as the thought even crossed my mind, the mirror image reached out and covered my eyes.

"If superficial beauty is what you seek, you'll never find real happiness," the mirror replied.

I realized at this moment that this was the first time I had ever heard myself speak.

"Oh God, is that what I really sound like? I sound so screechy," I uttered, but as soon as the words left my lips, the mirror let go of my eyes and covered my ears.

"You of all people should hear the beauty in your own voice. I do," said the mirror in a slightly more annoyed tone than before.

As the hands slid from my eyes to my ears I felt my hands on my face for the first time.

"Is this how rough and tense my hands are?" And as soon as I said it, those rigid hands let go of my ears and grabbed my wrists, holding them behind my back.

"Your hands have touched many, and they never complained," the once calm, composed image of me replied, with a shade more anger in her voice now.

As she said this, I caught a vague whiff of my own breath for the first time.

"I smell like I've used gasoline as mouth wash," I thought, and the mirror let go of my hands and to my surprise, slapped me across the face and grabbed my nose.

"How can you not sense the hard work and pain you've been through?" And with that the mirror let go of me completely, throwing her hands down in disgust.

We stood there staring at each other for much time, not saying or thinking anything. After a while I very sincerely asked my mirror, "How can I make it through life not looking, sounding, feeling and smelling beautiful?"

It did not reply for some time. I finally got tired of waiting, and turned to leave. As I was walking away though, a faint voice spoke,

"Without all of your senses, you still have your mind. Only with that will people know your beauty."

I turned around to face the mirror again but it had disappeared and another flash lit up the sky, draining all the color away that had just been there. With the color gone once again, I realized that my whole life was devoid of any color. It was because I had been thinking with my eyes, ears, nose, hands and mouth. The color resided in my mind.

Get it while the getting's groovy...

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 01:02:53 GMT

I am in Dickson, TN, the center of the known world. I am staying at a Holiday Inn with free high-speed internet. Woop, woop.

If anyone noticed the title of this update, I would like you all to start using this sentence in place of the old "Get it while the getting's good." phrase.

Greg, I'm sorry it took me so long to add you to my friend's list. I just figured out how to use this site yesterday. It's good to have a friend on here other than Sunny. She doesn't leave me messages on the phone.

If either of you want to donate some friends to me, I seem to have shortage.

I'm watching re-runs of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on the game-show network. Pathetic? Maybe a little...

I'm going to post a short-story I wrote. Feel free to share it with all of your friends. It has a good message.

Peace...love...and the rest will follow.

2 A.M. Musings

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 07:35:49 GMT

1. I don't understand people who want everything. Where would they keep it all?

2. People who voted for George Bush should be embarrassed.

3. People who voted for his son after voting for him should be twice as embarrassed.

4. People who, after voting for him then his son, then proceeded to vote for his son again, well they should probably be quarantined.

5. Borak Obama should be the next president of the US of A, but he probably will never be the president of this "great" country because his last name sounds too much like "Osama".

6. Stevie Wonder is a genius.

7. Bob Dylan is a genius.

8. Connor O'berst is a genius.

9. Nelson Mandela is a genius.

10. Condoleeza Rice is...Condoleeza Rice has a penis (it rhymed with genius).

11. Condosleaza is not a genius.

12. I have decided to pencil in the word, "Swip" in my dictionary. It means to turn 180 degrees only to quickly flip back to original facing. Switch and flip. Swip. Sweet.

14. Back to Stevie Wonder, why are some people so hung up on superstitions?

15. No number is unlucky unless itself + one = 14.

16. Fun fact: 89% of people older than the age of 18 are 36.7% more likely to fall for made up percentages than any other age bracket.

17. Numbers confuse me. They are endless and that scares me.

18. Condosleaza also scares me.

19. I wish I had an accent like Stewie (from Family Guy), or just any accent other than my own.

20. George Bush doesn't care about poor people. But that's just because he's never met a real, live one before.

21. Actually, what George Bush knows as poor people, is those S.O.B.s who used to live across the street from him growing up, who had to buy that Toyota SUV instead of the Lexus. Heh heh heh...those poor bastards.

22. Michelle Wie is really annoying.

23. Michelle Wie is also a beast.

24. Michelle Wie is a very annoying beast.

25. I'm glad I don't follow golf.

26. I want to create my own holiday with it's own bogus, colorful representative and deceive children across the world.

27. How is it that all of our rules and morals are based on history, but then when it comes to important things (i.e. wars...), we ignore everything history has taught us?

28. I wonder if Condosleaza waxes that forehead...

29. People should live their lives one day at a time instead of shooting for a goal and thinking nothing of the journey to that goal. It's like, if it's Monday, and you have something you look forward to doing Saturday, you're not going to just go to sleep all week to make Saturday come quicker, are you?

30. I need to find some sleeping pills...

This has been 2 A.M. Musings with Jesse. Please stay tuned for more episodes, seeing as that I have no control of my insomnia...peace.

Last of my days in the Lone Star State...

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 03:35:25 GMT

I really am in a Lone Star State. More psychologically than geographically. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, but I swear I'm developing a Texas drawl (y'all), and I have an unsubmissable urge to drive a truck. I also bought a cowboy hat that, however tolerable, isn't really even in style in Texas. See if I care.

I've been spending tireless hours searching for somebody's livejournal (if you're reading this you know who you are), and it's making me depressed. So, alas, I must stop.

Girls are silly. I want to find a woman.

Sunny Called me and left no message. If I do that I get an earful. Shame, shame...

Just finished packing up the car, we're leaving for NC in the morning, so my days in this Lone Star state of mind have come to a close. I'll kind of miss pretending to be a cowboy...

First Live Journal Update

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 17:20:44 GMT

So...here I am writing in my first ever live journal. I'm sure no one (except maybe Sunny) will read this, but when I become famous (for something), you will all have to pay to see this.

I'm very bored right now, waiting for Sunny to come back so we can write music, or for Anna to come back from the mall so that I can help her with her math. I'm starving. Time to feed myself!

Adios for now...